Friday 15 September 2017

22 Things not to say to new parents

We have just weeks to go until our little one arrives and I've been thinking a lot about the last nine months. I've had a relatively easy pregnancy but the one thing that always kept coming up was the way people would constantly try and install fear inside you just before you're having a baby because they've been there, done that. They try and pass it off as advice but really, it's unsolicited advice no one wants to hear, the same advice they moaned about when they were pregnant. So here is a list of twenty things not to say to parents to be, all of which have been said during my pregnancy...

  • Congratulations on your pregnancy, now let me tell you all about my horrendous experience that will no doubt terrify you.
  • Oh you can kiss goodbye to those date nights for the foreseeable future! 
  • Sleep? You won't know what that is again for at least ten years. Thanks Brenda.
  • *Spills something on top* You better get used to mess, you'll be covered in everything soon. Having a child doesn't mean we can't be clean.
  • Your life will be just baby now, goodbye identity. 
  • Was it planned? Absolutely none of your business.
  • Have you got stretchmarks yet?  Also, none of your business.
  • Will you be breastfeeding? Still none of your business.
  • Having formula ready in the house is setting yourself up to fail. F*** off.
  • Don't use talcum powder, you'll suffocate your baby. 
  • You'll want all the drugs they will throw at you during labour. That may be true but until I'm there I don't know.
  • Are you going to have more children? No one likes an only child! Can I get this one out first?
  • Omg why are you buying your baby clothes there? It's so expensive. *Eye roll emoji*
  • I hope that's decaf coffee you're drinking?
  • Should you really be eating that while you're pregnant?
  • Are you going to get married before the baby arrives? *Yawn*
  • *Insert nursery/baby item* will be such a waste of money. *Super eye roll emoji*
  • Have you thought about child care yet? Can I have the baby first?
  • Ooo you look like you're about to pop! Thanks, fully aware I'm a ticking bomb. 
  • Oh that name? Really?
  • Don't use *insert baby skincare brand here* because it once caused a baby to explode.
  • Don't use *insert nappy brand here* because it once caused a baby to explode. 

What comments have you had during your pregnancy?

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