Tuesday 18 July 2017

I'm Over My Pregnant Body

Pregnancy is crap, there I said it. I didn't think I'd dislike it as much as I do but with only eleven weeks left I can't wait to see the end and not just because we'll have our little bundle. From the nausea and headaches to my changing body, there isn't much I've enjoyed. Although the naps and eating cake when I want do help. 

I've briefly spoken about suffering with pre-natal depression but that's as far as I'll go with that as I personally don't like discussing my mental health online. The hardest thing I've come up against is my body and how much it has changed, it just isn't mine anymore. My body is doing something incredible, it's growing our little boy and I find it fascinating but in a selfish way, I can't wait to have it back. First came the boobs and then my thighs, bum and stomach started to expand and I have hated every moment of it. I'm just not comfortable and the high temperatures we've been having haven't helped either what with the chub rub, boob sweat and swollen feet.

Last year, I'd got to a point where I was happy with my body and size but due to work stress and Christmas I put on little more than I would've liked. It was okay though because I re-joined Slimming World in the January and started losing weight straight away, then we found out I was pregnant. You can follow Slimming World while pregnant but part of me knew it would just add stress on top of everything else and I'd just feel disheartened about the scales going up instead of down.

We've still eaten Slimming World meals, lots of salad and veg and fruit as well as keeping my water intake high but if I've wanted something sweet I've had it because sometimes a girl has gotta have some cake. I kinda feel like I'm just plodding along, waiting for the moment that I can get back on the healthy eating fully and start seeing results again. It may sound selfish but as long as I'm not depriving our baby of vital nutrients I can't see how it can be labelled as that. 

I see other pregnant women and think they look beautiful but I just feel like a lump, I don't see that glow that I see on others and I was always comparing my bump until I just had to force myself to stop before I went insane. I've spoken to pregnant friends and it's nice to know I'm not alone but it's also such a shame that some of us go through this incredible experience just hating it. I thought I'd feel more relieved when I was showing more and I am but not as much as I thought, I'm just not comfortable enough to show off my bump. Maybe I never will be. It doesn't help that maternity clothes are shit and if I just go up a size in shops the clothes don't always fit all over. It's incredibly frustrating, I'm sick of wearing leggings and I miss my pretty summer dresses. 

Some may think this is the most ridiculous thing to moan about but it has affected my pregnancy so much BUT it's me that has let it affect my pregnancy, no one else. I have this shit relationship with my body that has intensified because of changes out of my control.

It makes me feel really sad at times, I don't want this to be a time I look back on and hate.

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