Sunday 5 November 2017

Thoughts of a New Parent

I fancied a chat so while I have a sleeping newborn in my lap I thought I'd get typing and see what came out. We've been keeping our tiny human alive for almost three weeks now. Three weeks that have whizzed by and completely turned our lives upside down...for the better. We may be getting less sleep, not getting out the house as quick as we'd like or always eating hot meals but right now, we're really content.

I can finally say I'm starting to feel myself again, it has taken a few weeks, numerous courses of antibiotics, painkillers and Dairy Milk but I can look in the mirror now and not see an ill, pale mess looking back at me, my blood must've replenished itself. I haven't begun to process the birth of my beautiful son yet, blocking it out has seemed much easier while I battled with midwives over their poor and dangerous 'advice' but that's a post for much further down the line. The important thing is that Joshua and I are fine. 

The last few weeks have been a huge learning curve, we have this little human relying on us for everything and once we've ticked off hunger, nappy, wind and cuddles, it can get a bit confusing but we're managing with the help of wonderful family and our Google home hub who is getting a lot of use in the early hours of the morning with white noise playlists. Overall, Joshua is pretty dreamy and it has been no where near as bad so far as everyone said when giving their unsolicited advice. Obviously, it's going to change all the time but I'm so glad I've ignored people and trusted my own instincts instead. Apparently mother knows best after all. 

We're just about to enter our final week with Arran home with us, he's spent four weeks away from work and it's gone far too quickly. I just want to keep him at home with us, instead I'm about to go it on my own which is mildly terrifying especially as I'm still recovering from a caesarean. It's so disappointing that fathers get so little time with their newborns, two weeks paternity is just not enough. 

Talking of fathers, seeing your partner with his newborn for the first time is a feeling I cannot describe. It's a completely different love and our relationship has dramatically evolved to something more special than it already was. We always knew having a child would change us, we just didn't know how but I can honestly say it's something so special and so unique that it's something I'll now cherish forever, even if there's more poop and sick than before. I feel like I'm rambling now and there's no real meaning to this other than me needing to get some thoughts out.

All I have left to say is that I'm happy, very happy and it's taken some time to feel that way.

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