Monday, 16 November 2020

Lockdown 2.0 - I'm worried

Lockdown 2.0 - It's like déjà vu and we're back to six months ago under lockdown with new restrictions but in a strange way nothing much has really changed. The title of this post sounds more extreme than it is meant to but I suppose considering everything, worried was the right word to use. 

I'm not necessarily worried about lockdown, I'm worried about the implications it brings with it especially as we go into winter and the clocks have gone back. Like thousands of others and maybe you reading this now, I struggle with the darker, colder months. I feel most alive in the summer when there are blue skies, light evenings and the sound of summer fun and laughter in the air.

I suppose you could liken it to S.A.D aka Seasonal Affective Disorder which is a type of depression that's related to the change in seasons with symptoms starting in the Autumn and continuing through to the Winter Months making you feel moody, lethargic and tired. It's pretty grim and although I don't suffer from a severe form, I definitely do suffer.

We were kinda lucky with the last lockdown as we had such glorious weather so I didn't feel as trapped. Joshua and I would wake up and get out for a walk early most days and then set up play stations at home or get the paddling pool out whereas this time it's cold, wet and muddy. 

And I don't do mud.... thankfully nor does Joshua.

I've found the first week particularly hard, more so because of the rain we've had so I'm really going to aim to get out for a walk, even just a short one every day this week. I find I get myself in a rut and I'll have one cosy day then the next day I'll make an excuse and then it seems too overwhelming to do it even though I know I feel so much better for getting out in the fresh air, it's like a vicious cycle. 

Before, I could hide away but now I'm a mother I can't do that and I need to be able to get up, get out and show that it's all okay for Joshua too. 

In April, I wrote Reasons I'm Grateful for Now and a lot of that still rings true this time around. I still want to make this time about my family and doing things we love. In lockdown 1.0 there was this immense pressure to achieve something and I fell into that trap, I ordered cross stitch and embroidery kits I've half-finished and signed up to an online course I am yet to start. It all sounded great at the beginning but I suppose I was just washed away with everyone else trying to achieve when really we should've all just been trying to survive. 

I'm not going to make that mistake again, if I get J and me up, fed and dressed daily with plenty of laughs in between that's enough. We can bake, colour, explore, walk and read - they're the memories that will last, not me crying in the toilet because I fucked up my cross stitch again. 

Our entire lives have changed this year and Christmas will be our next stepping stone but having the pressure taken off is something I am looking forward to. There will be no Christmas markets, no Father Christmas visits, no events or work every night leaving me just a few days to watch The Holiday & Love Actually, no stress (other than saving for the big day!) and that feels me with joy and such a sense of relief. 

I don't think the worry in the pit of my stomach with go away any time soon and I know I'll definitely have bad days, but we all will - we're all trying to ride this unpredictable storm together and sometimes you just need to word vomit into an internet void to try and make sense of those feelings. 

I'm worried but I'm positive we can ride this together - oh and wear a mask. 



  1. I’m the opposite this time, lockdown one had me worried but this one not so much. My issue is people and everyone thinking they know better rather than to listen to the advice they’re given. When you’ve got a doctor in the family who works in ICU as the guy who anaesthetises you, telling you people just don’t get it, that’s the worry!

  2. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way Alice. I feel worse this lockdown. Nobody is taking it seriously and it doesn’t feel like a real lockdown at all, I can’t see how this is helping in the slightest? I’m just worried and downbeat about how long this is going on for. I can’t see an end to it xxx

  3. I'm definitely struggling more with this lockdown than I did the last so can really relate to what you're saying. I LOVE this time of year usually, going to markets, putting the decorations up, seeing family etc and I'm struggling that it's all been taken away. I know why we have to do it but this lockdown definitely doesn't feel the same as the first in terms of everyone staying at home and following the rules, so when does it all end? It's just such a weird year isn't it. Sending you lots of love xx

    Tiffany x

  4. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this time we are going through again, it's stressful for everybody, I supose having something to look forward to is the aim. I'm worried that people are not following the rules and being selfish :)

    Nic | Nic's Adventures & Bakes

  5. I love how honest this post is. This time around I am doing it differently too and doing more of the things I enjoy rather than feeling pressured to do what everyone else is doing. Christmas is definitely something to look forward to and I'm going to enjoy the fact I'm not as busy as I usually am.

  6. I think the fact that it's shorter this time, is helpful. I'm just focusing on getting all of my Christmas prep done! x


  7. I totally get that Alice! This year has just been hard on so many of us. Some of us have lost loved ones, jobs... It's a year I want over.

  8. I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this Alice, I've seen a lot of people say that this lockdown feels worse than the last one, but you will get through this, I promise! x

    Lucy |

  9. Sorry you feel like this. It can be really hard :( I really hope things get better next month xx

  10. I hope you’re doing ok in lockdown Alice. It definitely feels harder this time around, but we can do this! xx

  11. One thing I have loved about both lockdowns is that there is absolutely 0 pressure from people in your life. No one to please with visits, no plans to make even though you’d rather cancel. My birthday was in March just after lockdown and it was actually one of my favourite birthdays to date. Usually I hate my birthday because it’s always a disappointment, normally nothing special gets done and I never get to see my friends. But this year there was a reason for that! I just got to chill at home with my boys and eat cake. No pressure to make my birthday count - which actually made it more lovely. Hope you’re okay Alice.
    Love Caitylis x x

  12. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I definitely agree that this lockdown has been a lot worse because of the weather. Being stuck in wasn't so bad when you could go for walks or sit out in the garden keeping yourself entertained. Now it's grey, it's just not the same xx

    Hannah |

  13. I felt the first lockdown was very worrying but not so much this one for me x

  14. Ooh Alice, I am only a message away if you need a talk. We will get through this together! J x

  15. I found the first one more difficult as it was the whole unknown. This time round I’m working and it keeps me busy so it feels completely different.

  16. This lockdown is so weird as I don't feel there are as many restrictions as the first one. Things haven't really changed for me as I've been working from home since March and will probably still be doing so for the next few months!!
    I've been trying to get out for walks when I can which has really helped :) xx

    Holly |

  17. Lockdown and tier restrictions were hard the first time round but even harder with the cold weather. I effectively live alone at the moment which has made it extra-hard as I can only speak to people in person if we stick it out in the cold, which I've done with friends a few times. Hopefully Christmas will offer some respite

    Jasmine xx


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