Sunday, 11 March 2018

Because I am a Mother

Last year, on Mother's Day I was sat with the start of a bump eating a box of chocolates Arran had bought for me along with a mum-to-be card. It still didn't feel real that I was growing a tiny human. We were just over a week away from our 12 week scan and today, I'm sat with my almost five month old.

The start of motherhood hasn't been easy and I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress in January. I had a horrible labour followed by major surgery to deliver my son safely. I then had a reaction to the drugs used during the surgery followed by a devastating breastfeeding journey and a severe infection contracted in hospital, it took months for me to start feeling myself again and even now I'm not quite there. I was so unwell in those first few weeks, I felt like my hazy newborn period was taken away from me and I've been making up for it ever since. 

I'm still learning every day, this is the biggest, most difficult thing I've ever done and I've never wanted an instruction booklet more. I'm not sure I feel like a mother yet but I am. It's still weird to think I'm someone's mum, no matter how many times I say it but I am. Every day I feed, care for and nurture my little boy and some days it feels so surreal that this is my life, that I have this incredible person that I get to call mine. When does it start to become real? 

I don't know.

All I do know is that today, I get to wake up again to the two people I love the most, create more memories and make up for some of that lost time because I am a mother. A mother to the most beautiful little boy. 

Part of me can't believe we've been keeping our little human alive for five months and the other part feels as though he has always been there. Joshua slotted in so perfectly, he may not be the kitten I was finally promised but he's a bloody fab replacement. He makes me smile every day whether that is because he's giggling at our happy cow print or because he's thrown another tantrum and I can't keep a straight face. 

He's so special and I needed him more than he'll ever know. I need him more than he'll ever know.



  1. Happy First Mother's Day lovely! Joshua is the sweetest little thing!

    Erin || MakeErinOver

  2. How special. You’re a fabulous mother Alice. Sending all my love.
    Much love, Caitylis x x

  3. Happy first Mother's Day to you babe ! You've been doing a fantastic job and little Joshua is so lucky to have you as his beautiful mama ! I can't believe next year I'll have my own too ! It's insane !!

    Saira xxxxx

  4. Happy first mothers day sweetie. Hope you have had the best day, Joshua is so lucky to have an incredible mumma just like you!


  5. What a lovely post. Sorry to hear you had such a traumatic labour. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better now - your son is so cute! x

  6. So proud of you and everything you've done.
    Hels xxx

  7. Lovely post! Joshua is a beautiful little boy & lucky to have you as his Mum xx


  8. What a sweet post. OMG doesn't it always feel like they've been there all along haha! xxx

  9. Happy first Mother's Day! I know we don't really chat but I feel proud following you online as you push through everything that has happened these past few months and come out of the other side still focused on doing everything you can for your son - you're a great mum!! xx

  10. Happy Mother's Day! I am so excited for the rest of your journey!

  11. I love this Alice and I'm so proud of the journey you've been on. You're an amazing lady and a fabulous mumma x

  12. You're such an incredible mum Alice. You're doing such an incredible job and Joshua is such a beautiful and incredible little boy, I'm so proud of you!

    Love, Amie ❤
    The Curvaceous Vegan

  13. I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day - you’ve been through a heck of a journey and we’re all behind you!
    Em x

  14. I'm so sorry you've had some tough times :( Motherhood is beautiful but also very tough! You are doing an AMAZING job at being a mama! xx

  15. Love this post. Happy first mother’s day! You’ve had such a journey so far, you’ve came so far and it’s inspiring to see.

  16. Happy 1st Mother's Day I hope it was all you imagined and more :)


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